I can’t handle any of this; I just want to be numb.
It’s in everyone’s best interest that I go back to my old ways, all this new shit has done nothing but hurt me and I’ll never get what I wanted out of it.
Don’t even bother calling it a “relapse” because that would insinuate there was a problem; there was never a fucking problem, it’s now that there’s a problem.
A few weeks ago I told some people close to me that I had gotten drugs and every single person’s reaction was pretty much “yeah cool, that’s nice, whatever” and continued on like I just told them I bought a bag of apples. I know it’s because everyone knows I’m better off the way things used to be, they were probably happy to hear it. Everyone is so fucking sick of me trying to be different that some people have stopped replying to me altogether when I talk about it. I can’t function. My life is in absolute shambles where it was just fine before. The world is too loud and too horrible. I just want a moment of peace.
