For the time being; I’m alright. I’m not sure how long that will last though. Tomorrow I’m going to be in a similar position and in the same place that triggered my last relapse. I will be alone. I don’t have any friends who would essentially chaperone me (I don’t have many friends to begin with) and make sure I don’t go anywhere or talk to anyone I shouldn’t, so I will be left to my own devices. I’m petrified. In my current mental state, I don’t think I will make good choices. I’m scared I won’t make it through the weekend, I feel almost positive I won’t make it to 2019. I’m trying so hard to do good things for myself but it’s hard when all the little things you loved and made you happy are gone, it’s hard when your friends stop texting you frequently and motivate you, and all you have is silence and your thoughts. I can’t work, I tried to do a little the other day, and that was a big part of my nervous breakdown. I think I only worked 2-3 hours and I just collapsed. The pressure got to me, but the anxiety of not working is getting to me too. I feel like I lost everything. I have nothing to drive me forward. My life seems like a burden on everyone. I already feel dead. Anyway, I’m making this post so anyone who messaged me knows I’m alive, I don’t have the emotional energy to respond to every message right now. Bye.
