Read Part 1 Here
Don’t Call Me Sober Pt. 2 | Another reason I’m not a fan of the term is because of my personal interpretation of the word (I repeat: my PERSONAL interpretation.) I think sober is just a state of being, while “in recovery” is a proactive process. For example, I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in nearly 2 years, you could have called me sober that whole time, but I certainly wasn’t in recovery. That first year an a half I simply abstained from using, I wasn’t doing anything to get better, I wasn’t learning or using skills, I was white knuckling it hoping it would just go away. I removed things I used for nearly a decade to fill a void in me and then did nothing to fill that void with something positive. I had this crazy notion that if I just stopped everything would just get better on its own. I thought my friends would come running back and everything I lost through addiction would just fall back into my lap. That was absurd; I was doing nothing to change, I wasn’t adding anything positive into my life, I wasn’t trying to mend friendships and right my wrongs. No, all I did was sit there and think “well I’m sober now, so it’s everyone else who has the problem.” I was the same terrible person I was while using, just sober and even more bitter. Now I’m in recovery; I’m learning skills to help deal with my problem, I’m learning how to function in the world as a person who’s not using, I want to be more social, I’m learning how to try to heal those that I’ve hurt, I’m learning more about myself and my disease, I’m working on getting my passions back and finding new hobbies, etc. etc. I feel like I’m in a much different place than when I just put everything down and thought that was the end of it. I’m working extremely hard to better myself as a whole person; I’m not merely abstaining from substances. I also feel like “in recovery” admits that I’ll make mistakes, while sober is very black & white, I’m growing as a person, and I’ll hit bumps along the way, but as long as I don’t give up, I’m still in recovery.
(Pictured is a page from my positivity journal)
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