Yes another treatment update, one I really don’t want to make: I was kicked out of my program. They felt my condition was too severe for me to be in outpatient and discharged me from the IOP today. Problem is that I can’t get into an inpatient program.
Some facilities don’t feel I would be an appropriate fit for their program (most focus on detox, which I am far past) and the ones that would accept me don’t have any availability. The one everyone really wants me to go to might have an opening next week, but they aren’t sure, and the length of my stay would overlap when my fiancé is visiting.
I’m still in shock, I didn’t expect them to just suddenly discharge me. I feel so disheartened, I feel like I finally reached out for the help that I needed for a long time, made progress, and then failed.
Another part of me feels scared, angry, and confused that they discharged me into no kind of care, I was just sent home with no future plan. Why would they tell me my case is so severe it requires residential/rehab care, but wouldn’t let me stay in outpatient until a spot opens up? I lost my support, I lost the feeling of being part of something, I lost the feeling of progress and hope. Now what do I do? Figure it out on my own? If I’m not well enough to be in outpatient, should I really be trusting myself on my own? I’m scared of myself and that is a horrible feeling, especially when you have nowhere to turn.
My therapist didn’t want to discharge me and actually cried while telling me that the program director had the final say and that she was so upset she had to stop working with me. She actually slid me her card telling me she hoped to open her own practice in a few years and I should contact her then. I didn’t want to leave the program, I was happy there and felt like I was making a lot of progress despite my setbacks. I’m heartbroken.
I’m going to find out tomorrow if there’s any way I can get on a waitlist to get into the residential facility once my fiancé leaves. I don’t want to give up yet, I want to get better and do what I have to, but this time in between is scary.
Also, did you know rehab is really expensive?
